T or F: I have a severe night club phobia (oldie but a goodie)...

TRUE.

Ever since I stepped foot into my first club at the age of fourteen (It was one of those skating rink-turned dance club at night-your friend’s dad is waiting outside in his minivan the whole time kinda places.), I’ve never wanted to go clubbing again.

Oh, it happened though.

I have never had a good club experience, nor will I ever attempt to. I really hate them. It won’t ever change.

Here are some reasons:
(Feel free to disagree. I don’t mind and won’t be offended)

I consider them to be meat markets and I’ve never wanted to date someone who goes out clubbing, therefore, no dudes for me there.

All I think of are dirty Guidos with obscene blow-outs, with obscenely tan girlfriends, making obscene limb movements.

I don’t consider techno actual music. Have you ever listened to the "songs" without any words? It’s just the same horrible robotic beat over and over.

I’m sometimes forced to go because my friends make me feel guilty. Force=dread.

Clubs are humid holes and my hair always gets big. No matter what I do with it. BIG.

My rave techniques are out of date.

All the girls wear skimpy clothing and hooker heels/boots. I have a little chub on me and refuse to wear anything that reveals my ass cheeks or belly. I can’t wear 5-inch heels, cause I’m already taller than most females out there. Why should I? So Anthony Scarparello Jr. can grind on and bone me? No thanks.

I was licked and literally drooled on once.

Therefore, I always feel violated, fat (like I’m wearing a moo-moo, compared to all the other girls) and dirty by the time I’m done.

Exception:

If I am drunk, and I mean wasted, I might kind of have a good time.
For example: I was so drunk once, I actually decided to "grind" dance with this really tall guy. Oh, and I felt a lot of penis. Yeah, I typed penis. Why type "junk" when I can type "penis"?
Suddenly his hands are squeezing my crotch and I promptly screamed "GET HIS HANDS OFF MY VAGINAAAAA!!" over and over until Jordan probably covered my mouth and pulled me away from him. I don’t remember. He wasn’t too hot though. This club had naked pole dancers, so that’s my conclusion as to why I semi-enjoyed myself.

I’d much rather hang out in a more intimate setting, go to a concert, or just hang out at home and watch a movie.

Does that make me boring? I think not.
Just don’t ever ask me to go clubbing with you because I’m sure I’ll laugh in your face.